Learning from testing.

In standard ADD fashion, I put the take home test off for a week. I had been reviewing my life ever since I decided to pursue getting the diagnosis for ADD or worse the “ No, you don’t have ADD.” answer.  Years ago I had come to terms with my schooling and thanked my parents for doing their best and their trust that I would be alright. I am. I just want the chance to see if it can be better.

Once I started the take home test the questions reminded me of the Doctor asking if I could read a book. I said “Yes, of course.” Now I realize that I get up about every twenty minutes to get a cup of tea and read some more. Then I am up to get a blanket and read and up again to turn on the light, go to the bathroom or move a cat. It does not stop me from enjoying the book, but it may drive anyone else in the room nuts. At the movies I am constantly fidgeting, still paying attention, but moving. The test made it clear to me that I got off easy with ADD. As symptoms can include panic attacks and anxiety and what appears to be compulsive fighting or at least a large temper with a fragile trigger. The symptoms just start here and go on like one crazy long smorgasbord. ADD has lots of similarities and differences and as far as I can tell no one knows the cause.

Some people have trouble sleeping, not me. I have trouble getting out of bed in the morning. Once I am up, I am fine it just takes some doing to get there.

I remember getting a lot of conflicting information growing up from friends telling me I was smart, to others telling me I was stupid. Most people with ADD can go from a sentient being to a ditz in no time at all. In me this caused a struggle to fight against and work around. Through this I learned in college that I had twenty minutes of functioning brainpower to take a test. I learned to write notes on the margins for essays and answer everything else for the time, then go back and push through grammar on the essays and rest, sort of. Hoping for a new burst of energy. I went from a C student with some B’s in High School, to an honor roll student. We all have some tricks to get us by.

Many with ADD have to sit and stare and just be for a bit. The TV is often the focus, just to look like we are doing something. We just need to recoup after being social. Just talking to someone can be exhausting. There are so many cues to keep track of. I admit I get lost watching the gestures, the stance, are they paying attention when they talk or not. What tone if any is in their voice? Was that sarcasm? What are they looking at? Are they shifting at specific points? Is there a rhythm to their speech? Are they comfortable with what they are saying? Are they interested in this topic or not? And then, I have to remember what they are saying and not be confused by it, to be part of the conversation. Otherwise, they end, and I just stand there, as if I was not interested. This is not necessarily the message I was intending.

This take home test is much easier than college. It does take longer then twenty minutes and should give you lots to think about. My favorite question? I have never come across this in any other test. The question is “Do dead bodies make you afraid?” for me it depends on the situation.