First Steps

The doctor just confirmed I have ADD. Not a surprise really, but nice to get confirmed. She gave me a quick test in the office much like all the online tests for ADD. She also handed me a take home test, about 40 pages long to bring back completed in a couple of weeks. I found out that I am typical for an adult with ADD in that I was misdiagnosed as a child. The quieter girls are not always noticed in their struggles. Though my mother did have me tested for learning disabilities. I remember the doctor said “ Your Daughter doesn’t have a learning disability, she just doesn’t apply herself. She likes to daydream.” Now, that would be a flag for ADD. At the time I was to get my second misdiagnosis of reading glasses, so I could apply myself. By the time I failed my SAT’s, I started to think all those people who called me stupid or weird, might be right.

The first correct diagnosis came years after by two couples I knew. Both had had a child recently diagnosed in school. Each couple sat down with me to tell me they were certain I had ADD. The first couple was elated that their daughter would lead a fairly normal life, just as how they perceived I was doing. The second couple would not be consoled.  I was earning meager wages and living in low end neighborhoods for affordable rent. They wanted more for their child.  I wanted more for me too, but horror stories of Ritalin abounded.

So I remained hidden, or so I thought. Other people with ADD could pick me out in a crowd. Conversations would turn to options to deal with it and if they helped. Being told that I seemed to be fine without any medications was the trigger for me to take a hard look at my life. That’s when I realized how much energy I spent to hide my symptoms from others. My friends “knew” I was busy. Most of the time I needed to sit in a chair and recover from working all day, or from being social for several hours. Saying I was busy, gave me time to do this. My apartment is disorganized and clearly a hideout for a paper monster or two.  I don't invite people over as other adults do not live like this.  I needed options that a diagnosis would give me. This journey has just begun, and yet I know it will change everything.